Note:  This was our lame attempt at some April Fools tomfoolery … but maybe we should just stick to building bikes.

A recent Swedish study found that recreational cycling definitively slows, and possibly reverses, the aging process in humans.

“We initially intended to study the aging process on mice, but ran into technical difficulties”, said the researchers at the Hammlecker-Schlemmlecker Institute after realizing that mice cannot ride miniature bicycles. “We went ahead with full-on human studies, and we were pleased with the sizable amount of data collected.”

The study engaged approximately 2500 voluntary North American participants in a 7-month health survey.  Key aging markers such as blood pressure, hair loss, and enjoyment of NPR were all recorded.  Of both the male and female participants, the scientists noted a reversal of facial wrinkles, especially in the dreaded “crowsfeet”.

“Cycling may be the new Botox”, speculated Dr. Robert A. Yoyo, a licensed plastic surgeon of Pasadena, California.  Since the initial findings of the study, his practice has already seen a steady influx of patients requesting “Cyclox”, a combination spin class / Botox procedure.

The study also indicates a noticeable increase in overall vitality and sexual desire, especially in the male participants over the age of 55.  Insiders at the pharmaceutical manufacturers Pfizer, the distributors of Viagra, are keeping a close eye on the study.  “We have spent millions of dollars developing this product, so we are interested in maintaining our share of the market.  We are also concerned about the possible psychological repercussions of long-term spandex abuse.”

Proponents of the study site cycling legend Lance Armstrong as real-world evidence.  Armstrong — a survivor of testicular cancer — has conceived a child with his girlfriend Anna Hansen.  When questioned about his method of conception, Armstrong replied via Twitter, “we did it the old fashioned way”.

Although the scientific community agrees that a more investigation is needed, many recreation cyclists are already touting the youthful effects of cycling. “Just look at Tim “Fuzzy” Hall …” said life-long cyclist Alex Singer, “He’s almost 40 years-old and I can’t tell him from the baggy-shorts wearing kids at the movie theater.”

More detailed findings will be published by the researchers via their official H-S Institute blog →