If we had an automated answering machine system (which we never will just on principle), the initial greeting and prompts would probably sound like this:

Thank you for calling Renaissance Bicycles, where Heritage Craftsmanship Meets Modern Technology.

Please listen to the following options (or you may press 0 at any time to speak with a real human being):

• To speak with a representative about a custom bike build, please press 1.
• To speak with a representative about”renaissancing” a vintage road or mountain bike, please press 2.
• To order a new lugged steel frame from Rivendell, Soma, or VO, please press 3.
• To order a new Batavus Dutch city bike, please press 1904.
• To speak with a retro-grouch, please press #.
• To speak with a commuter cyclist, please press 3FEET.
• To speak with a weight-weenie, please hang-up and call Competitve Cyclist.

… Please hold while we transfer you to the next available cyclist, and thank you for calling Renaissance Bicycles.